I’ve had a bad week. One of those weeks where you seem to be so bad at absolutely everything you do that you wonder why God called you to get out of bed in the mornings. Oh right, because I have three little humans that I have to keep alive.
These days I am a lot more focused on mommy-hood than nursing as I’m on mat leave from my casual position. And yet I am so much more busy now than I was when I was working. Moving from 2 kids to 3 definitely plays a big role in it my busyness, but I have also taken on so many other responsibilities that, on paper, look manageable but in reality are driving me crazy y’all.
This week it really hit the fan: trying to tame these wild children in their natural habitats, trying to be a good daughter and slowly work away at my dad’s website I’m developing, organizing the church nursery that I run, working on my local Sigma chapter’s upcoming AGM and, when I can, writing words on here that are meaningful and glorify God. Man, just writing this out now it looks like a lot for someone with a five month old.
This is how I felt when I was working full time and a new mom. After the first year at home with my firstborn I had such a hard time transitioning back into work. It felt like I couldn’t do anything well – I couldn’t give work or my kid the very best of me. It was a constant battle internally of feeling as though I was failing at everything, but trying with all my might to be as successful as possible.
But here’s the thing: I will never be able to accomplish my goals or my to-do list as long as I rely on my own strength. It can be so easy for Christians to want to say ‘yes’ to everything because we know that we need to serve one another. But if your saying ‘yes’ to things that the Lord hasn’t called you to, or you are trying to do them on your own in your own way, you will fail. There is no way around that. Because the Lord has a plan for you, and if you ignore it and plow on ahead without submitting your time to God for his direction, that plan can’t flourish.
Ok, this might seem bleak but let me give you some encouragement: failure is good. Sometimes, you just gotta fail. Because it is in our failings that we remember God’s success. It is in our weakness that we remember His strength. Our failure actually brings glory to God when it causes us to turn from our own self reliance and depend on Him and his mighty sovereignty. When we come to the Lord in humility – admitting our need for him – we realize we are not alone in this, the Lord goes on ahead of us. And we are not the sum of check marks on our to-do lists, but the living embodiment of a glorified God.