So this whole trying-to-figure-myself-and-my-God-out thing has been a long time coming. In fact, I think it started in the fall of 2017 when I started to have a pretty strong hunch that the baby I was growing was going to be of the female variety. I came to this conclusion after months of feeling the worst I have ever felt while pregnant. I was tired and nauseous all the time. I ate approximately 5 apples a day because it was all I wanted to eat and I couldn’t drink water because it was too “thin.” Milkshakes? They were fine. Life sustaining water? Hard pass.
My two other pregnancies were good, I would even go so far as to say they were easy, at least in comparison. So I knew something was up. And, as is my natural inclination, I panicked. I genuinely asked the Lord, on multiple occasions how I was supposed to raise a mature woman of God when I didn’t feel like I was one yet. And thus my descent into crazy Christian lady began. I use this term with so much love, because I know my kids will use it on me when they are in their 20s and start reflecting back on their childhoods. Like, “Oh my gosh, remember how when we did Cosmic Kids Yoga on Youtube Mom made us say ‘Peace Be With You’ instead of ‘Namaste’? I regret nothing.
So I realized it was time to really focus on my faith. Now, the way I’m writing it here makes it sound like I came up with this idea 100% on my own, but we all know it wasn’t. This was, of course, the Holy Spirit, gently and quietly nudging me in the right direction, the direction of the heart of God. The very heart that had been chasing down my own heart my whole life. It was time for me to really start the process of knowing and growing in my faith and I was ready for it.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, I’ve learned a lot in the last year and a half. I think it’s important to not keep all this information to myself. So, in the interest of drawing people even nearer to this incredible God we serve, I am willingly going to share my bumbling and stumbling towards surrender (I stole this last part from a Hillsong song. They didn’t say bumbling because thats not really a great praise song word).
Over the next few weeks I’m going to share about the things that have changed my life, from books to podcasts, sabbath to covenants. I have not done these things well all of the time. Sometimes I haven’t done them well in any sense of the word, but I am willing to run full tilt after God and this is the best way I know how. I’m excited. You get excited. Let’s get at it.